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# 9
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns
to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and
as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive
me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
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# 8
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the
bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young
man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir.
But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
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#7
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an
absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is
reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It
identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish
men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's
yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
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# 6
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on
the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm
sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes
later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in
her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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# 5
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of
years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome
the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely
ashamed. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had
this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean,
what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."
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# 4
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for
several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of
just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and
tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try
rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in
and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor
suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait
outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be
embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later,
white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what
happened to which the man replies: "She choked."
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# 3
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you
a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then
the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and
I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each
of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man
stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the
alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard
on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his
genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free
drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
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# 2
A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge
black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon the
small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound
left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints!!
The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to,
slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?".
The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude
looks down and says "7 foot all, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball,
3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small white guy says,
"Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around. '"
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# 1
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting
at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife,
"Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years." "Yeah," she replied,
"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked
as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you
say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat
down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly
replied,"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal!!!!
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