Thanks everybody your help .... finally it's working ... i had to reinstall WinME after WinXP (I swear to god when i set it up originally it wouldn't work this way ... WinXP had to be installed second)
After installing WinME the dual boot would work but the default was to WinMe not WinXP
I tried deleting the bootsect.dos and recreating it using the read.scn file ... but that just recreated my original problem
So i ended up going back to the bootsect.dos file that WinME installed and just editing the boot.ini file to change the default ... it works great now ... but that sure wasn't how i set things up before ... i have to assume the difference is from installing WinXPSP1 from a slipstreamed disc vs installing from the original disc then applying the patch ... I just can't wait to have to reinstall it again, lol
Thanks again for the help and suggestions.
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