What's so good about an Ethiopian Blow-job?
You know she'll swallow!!!!!!!!!!!
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon & ask him which period it came from.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his arse.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
What did the gynaecologist & the pizza deliveryman have in common?
They both get to smell the goods but neither one can eat it.
How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out of the girl.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
How is pubic hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
What's somewhat brown & often found in children's underpants?
Michael Jackson's hand.
Why are women & Kentucky Fried Chicken the same?
By the time you're finished with the breast & thighs, all you have
left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
How are tornadoes & marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking & blowing, & in the end you lose your house.
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump & swim are already in the US.
What's the difference between a bitch & a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, & a bitch sleeps with
everybody at the party except you.
What's the difference between love, true love & showing off?
Spitting, swallowing & gargling
What 3 words do you dread most while making love?
"Honey, I'm home."
Why don't they teach highway code & sex education on the same day in Iraq?
They don't want to wear out the camel.
What's the difference between a Catholic wife & a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms & fake jewellery.
Do you know why women fake orgasm?
Because men fake foreplay.
What's the difference between getting a divorce & getting circumcised?
When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
What's the difference between a G-Spot & a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
She knows she's given her last blow job.
What did one gay sperm say to another?
How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
How do you find a blonde in long grass?
Pleasing!
What has seventy-five balls & screws old ladies?
Bingo.
How do little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
When the big hand touches the little hand...
When is a pixie not a pixie?
When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
What's the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.
How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?
The tongue's still in the envelope.
Which of the following is the odd one out: wife, meat,eggs, blow job?
The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, & your meat,but
you just can't beat a blow job.
What is the definition of Confidence?
When your wife catches you in bed with another woman & you slap
her on the ass & say,"You're next!"
What's the difference between a blonde & an ironing board?
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
What's pink & hard?
A pig with a flick knife.
Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.
Why do seagulls have wings?
To beat the gypsies to the tip.
Why did God invent alcohol?
So fat people can get laid.
How do you get three little old ladies to say the "F" word?
Have a fourth one yell "Bingo!" or "house!"
What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a hooker?
Your last blow job.
Why did god create women?
Because dogs can't get beer out the fridge.
What's 100 yds long & smells of piss?
The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.
What's the difference between a woman from Wigan & a walrus?
One's got a moustache & smells of fish & the other lives in the sea.
How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled 'Coping with Darkness'.
Why don't blind people skydive?
It scares the shit out of the dog.
What have women & condoms got in common?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on the end of your cock.
What's the difference between PMT & BSE?
One's mad cow's disease & the other's an agricultural problem.
What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?
Pat
How do you make a dog drink?
Put it in a liquidizer.
What's got four legs & an arm?
A rottweiler.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What's got two legs & bleeds?
Half a dog..
What do you do if your boiler explodes?
Buy her some flowers.
What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
Patient!!
What is the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
How is pussy like a grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them. (quality)
What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
She is the one who can eat the last donut!
How do you turn a fox into a cow?
Marry it!
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
I am so good in bed that when I have sex even the neighbours need a cigarette.
Jewish dilemma: Free PORK.
Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why do Italians wear moustaches?
So they can look like their mother.
How can you tell which is the HEAD nurse?
The one with the scuffed knees.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
How do you tell if a chick's to fat to screw?
When you pull her pants down and her arse is still in them.
Why do men take showers instead of baths?
Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
Did you hear about the new shade of Dulux called "Blonde"?
It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Why do women have FOREHEADS?
So you have someplace to kiss them after they give you a BLOWJOB.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
How can you tell if you had a really great blowjob?
You have to pull the sheet out of your ass.
How can you tell if you have a great old lady?
She pulls the sheet out for you.
Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Why don't pygmies wear tampons?
They keep stepping on the strings.
How do you know when a woman's about to saysomething smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat?
The bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator and
goes to bed.
The married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
How can you tell a macho woman?
She rolls her own tampons.
enjoy
jakesnake
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