BetaONE will rise again! - [JOKE]150 Blonde Jokes

lmao

1.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

2. Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.

3. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

4. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

5. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)

6. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

7. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.

8. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it
blown around too much.

9. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

10. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

11. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

12. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

13. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

14. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

15. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

16. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
go down on you.

17. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

18. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

19. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

20. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

21. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packages.

22. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

23. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

24. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

25. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

26. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
attractive?
A: Her ankles.

27. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

28. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

29. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

30. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.

31. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

32. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

33. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

34. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

35. Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"

36. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?

37. Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"

38. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax
now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

39. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

40. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

41. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.

42. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

43. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

44. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.

45. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilised.

46. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilised.

47. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.

48. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ?
A: Kick open the car door.

49. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.

50. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

51. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.

52. Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?

53. Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before
having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

54. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*

55. Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !

56. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She say 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.

57. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

58. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.

59. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.

60. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
A4: None. They can't fit.

61. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

62. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.

63. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747

64. Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

65. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

66. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

67. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.

68. Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"

69. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,
the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

70. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

71. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

72. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

73. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

74. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.

75. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

76. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

77. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

78. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

79. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

80. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

81. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

82. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

83. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

85. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

86. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of
sly
pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts ...

87. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

88. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

89. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and
a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

90. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

91. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

92. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

93. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

94. Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

95. Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

96. Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

97. Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

98. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.

99. Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool ?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

100. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

101. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

102. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

103. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

104. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

105. Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

106. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

107. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

108. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

109. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

110. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"

111. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

112. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

113. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

114. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around
and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a
television.

115. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: The Blonde!

116. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

117. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.

118. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked
up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

119. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

120. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

121. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

122. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

123. Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: Sweet faq All...

124. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

125. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

126. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.

127. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.

128. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

129. Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A labrador.

130. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

131. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"

132. Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow ?
A: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

133. Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.

134. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

135. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

136. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

137. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

138. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

139. Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

140. Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

141. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

142. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician

143. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

144. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

145. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

146. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

147. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

148. Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.

149. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

150. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

151. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip
cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

152. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

atb
jake :D