Hangover Ratings



1 star hangover

No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when
you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.

You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up
from all those vodka and Red Bulls.

However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as
the Sahara.

Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.



2 star hangover

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.

The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your
rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.

Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing
your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some
light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk
e-mails.



3 star hangover

Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet
and not so productive.

Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave
reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends
after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.

Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen
doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a
litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.


4 star hangover

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't
speak too quickly or else you might spew.

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a
lecture for reeking of booze.

You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the
fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial
spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding
the dodgems.

Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one
big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a
second-grade class circa 1976.

You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a
doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go
back and NOT have gone out the night before.

You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.



5 star hangover

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits next to you.

Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from
brushing your teeth.

Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is
suffocating you.

You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your
body.

Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at
you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look
so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all
you can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.


6 star hangover

You arrive home and climb into bed.

Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the
taxi.

You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you
up.

You notice that your bed has been cleared fo r take off and is flying
relentlessly around the room.

No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.

You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under
full sail.

After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking
off all the pictures, you find the toilet.

If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you
spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your
impersonation of walrus mating calls.

You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in
the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the
walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage,
even if it is short lived.

Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into
abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.

With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous er uptions have died
back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.

You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and
swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last
occasion.

It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the
day as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to
get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.

You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for
them driving you to the hospital.

Work is simply not an option.

The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick
again, like moving.

You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or
three hours at least you might even succeed.

OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!

Thought so!!

LMAO Good one...

I can honestly say that I haven't had number six. I might have had a visit to some areas of number 3/4 maybe 5 before. I have never chucked after a heavy night, which is not frequent by the way, so I'm very gratefull.

Always a first time I guess,

Cheers
J...

I've experienced all those stages and six several times it's not much fun to be that hung-over but then it seemed like fun doing all the shooters , shots, beer , and whatever else may have been around at the time. Nowadays I don't drink so much and don't much drink to the point of hang-overs so I guess you could say live and learn.

As someone said before..."Been there, seen that, done that" and for the last 20+ years I have been dry. Oh yeah I've done all 6 several times and each time I swore never again. Funny thing is when the bed starts spinning you know what is coming next....just place a foot on the floor and the bed stops, but you still got problems coming any minute.

Thanks
Dudelive

Good one. Enjoyed it MO. Been to number 6 in younger days. Can't handle it anymore. Three stars is my limit now. <heh heh>

Lmao, couple a' nice ones there...lol. I think I have been thru some of them.

I can say I seen the six star hangover a couple of times, i guess the best part about it is the beginning when u are still drinking and the very end when u actually get some sleep. this is way after all hell breaks loose in bathroom. i been to the point where i chucked in the hamper. I swore it was the toilet, i guess i had two friends at the time :lol: