Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains
Well pull yourself together then
Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.
Next please!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me
One at a time please
Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.
You're too tents.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I?m invisible
Who said that?
Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
Hmmmm.Let's hope nothing develops.
Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
Doctor, Doctor I?ve lost my memory!
When did this happen?
When did what happen?
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ?till I get there

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits!
What, you mean those square ones?
Yes!
The ones you put butter on?
Yes!
Oh, You're Crackers!
Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... and here... What do you think is wrong with me?
You have a broken finger

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.
How long have you felt like this ?
Ever since I was a puppy !
Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out !
Certainly, which way did you come in ?

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God
When did this start ?
Well first I created the sun, then the earth...
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon !
Well sit still and don't stir !
Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee
Have you tried taking the spoon out ?
Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop !
Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a pen
Well sit down and write your name !
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a dog !
Sit !

Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple.
We must get to the core of this !
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaaaaaad !
Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well.
That's quite enough out of you !
Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking ?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor !
Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish
Poor sole !
Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch !
Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift !
Well tell her to come in
I can't she doesn't stop at this floor !
Doctor, Doctor I've had tummy ache since I ate three crabs yesterday.
Did they smell bad when you took them out of their shells ?
What do you mean "took them out of their shells !"

Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don't talk rubbish !
Doctor, Doctor I'm boiling up !
Just simmer down !
Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots ?
I never make rash promises !
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle.
I see your point !
Tell me straight Doc, Is it bad ?
Well, I wouldn't start watching any new soap operas !
Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps !
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bee.
Well buzz off I'm busy !
Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar !
Have you taken anything for it ?
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double.
Please sit on the couch.
Which one !
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a telephone.
Well, take these pills and if they don't work then give me a ring !

almost doze off...

Doctor Doctor, my computer hard drive is getting full.
Delete all the Jokes and you will be fine.... :D

A quick update now that there is a "New" Thread here....

Maybe this post would fit better in the "Your Friend the Computer" thread....Comments? Other "Additions"? ;) :D

Lmao, some good ones here, haven't read them all though, still going through, soo mnay jokes, thanks dady. :D