US Politics for Dummies

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?

A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?

A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find
something, probably right before the 2004 election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

A: To use them in a war, silly.

Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weaponst that they planned to use in
a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war
with them?

A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons,
so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.

Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had
all those big weapons to fight us back with?

A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons
our government said they did.

A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons.
We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q: And what was that?

A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was
a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
country?

A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor,
where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S.
corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain,
it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?

A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who
criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is
Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent
to prison and tortured.

Q: Like in Iraq?

A: Exactly.

Q: And like in China, too?

A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand,
is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws
that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba
until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started
doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?

A: Don't be a smart-ass.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.

A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein
came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate
leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?

A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by
force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our
friend.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly
overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate
leader?

A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us
invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men? Fifteen of them Saudi Arabians?
hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over
3,000 Americans.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of
the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's
heads and hands?

A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's
heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back
in May of 2001?

A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?

A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium
poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?

A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would
have their hands and heads cut off.

Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for
other reasons?

A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's
hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for
stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that
oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public,
with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

Q: What's the difference?

A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes
and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal
oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our
friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from
Saudi Arabia.

A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?

A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad
man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of
Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan
talked about?

A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call
them Russians now.

Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?

A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after
they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now.
We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us
invade Iraq either.

Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries
and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we
want them to do?

A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our
friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?

A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the
other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our
friend?

A: Most of the time, yes.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?

A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit
by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q: Why?

A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America.
Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless
un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what
to do.

Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George
W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

Q: Good night, Daddy.

California International Studies Project
Stanford University

LOL! Ya, that pretty much sums it up. Kind of belongs in Jokes...but since it is about Politics, it fits here too.

Yep, You're right billybob3, that pretty much sums this thing up.
Morality is good, double morality is twice as good :war:

Homie

Very very good.

Very good. Kind of puts things in a nice clear picture :D

heh it seems like such common knowlage, yet we still went to war.

anyway good post m8

-Rad

'

This from the state that made it legal for illegal aliens to collect on city services that legal residents pay taxes on to support and seeks the Supreme Court of California to rewrite law instead of interpreting it...

:blink:

Go figure...

/JD

Very unpatriotic.
This may decrease the flagwaving.
Somebody should be sued - we can't have politics explained this way... "because George W. Bush hears voices in his head"... this is a most horrifying way to bring disgrace on the administration.:)

btw: todays figure at iraqbodycount: minimum - 6073, max - 7782

EDIT: added a smiley

Did you add oday and qusay? Soon Saladin himself.

Oh yes GSD, they are added. So is the 14 year old boy that was killed too. And the unknown man also. I am very impressed by the way the American forces (wave flag now!) are introducing Law and Order to the Iraqs. Don't hesitate... If you suspect criminals to hide in a house, then just go there with 125 troops and let bullets and shells rain over them for a few hours, then rush in and make sure nothin' survived. The Iraqs must be very impressed learning modern civilisation.

Oh, I can add Bin Ladin too if you want me to, must be very short until he is arrested.

this is an incredibly over simplistic (and not to mention wrong in some places: ie: bush didn't give taliban cash Fact: The aid in question was humanitarian assistance, given through UN and nongovernmental organizations, to relieve famine in Afghanistan. [Various numbers are given for the amount of the aid, and some say several million went for clearing landmines.) way of looking at things.

I agree, this is unpatriotic, but that is okay, everyone is entitled to an opinion. Whats isn't okay is oversimplifying those opinions in an attempt to defile the US government and the governments of great nations like China. I have been to China and seen the slums there, eaten with poverty stricken people and discussed the politics of the PRC with its citizens. You may think that $75.00 a month to sew shirts together is slave wages, but that person lives as comfortably on that as someone making $25,000.00 a year in the US. And another thing...the people that do work for "slave wages" are not forced to do it; but in fact they work hard because it is in thier nature as a culture to do so and enjoy it - for they at least are fortunate enough to have a job and be proud of it. Pride - Get some!

Isn't it great that we live where we can make our own opinions known without worry that Fidel will have his mafia come after our parents or Saddam will torture us for our inflamatory comments about his mustache or the taliban will hurl a grenade into our children's room while they sleep.

I am no more a friend of war than anyone but it is often inevitable and as citizens of the United States it is our duty to stand behind our leaders and vote them out if they are out of line. That is democracy. This whole we can fix every problem that every peron has is a liberal dream and will never happen. But what we can do is help those in need - and if we decide who to help based on our own self interests then GOOD. Always look out for number 1. You can not look out for everyone else too. If along the way we can procure some oil and my gas bill goes down - Good; if I can buy furniture from China and wine from Afghanistan for cheaper -Good; if Fidel is not immortal and I one day can get a Cuban cigal legally - Good. And maybe along the way we help some folks too.

So, while we type on our $1,000.00 + computers next to our friends playing PS2 on the big screen while sitting on the futon and ordering Pizza...we still find the arrogance to criticize others whom we have no real knowledge about.

Be cosmopolitan but don't be ethnocentric. And remember there are more than two sides to every story...there is also the truth.

-----------------------------------
Sigma Zeta 314

August and September passed by, no mass destruction weapons found, no Saddam captured, no Bin-Ladin behind bars, no law and order, no peace for the civilians in Iraq.
Todays figures at Iraqbodycount are min: 7378 and max: 9181 and also:

Over 1,500 violent civilian deaths in occupied Baghdad

The first definitive total of violent civilian deaths in Baghdad since mid April has been published by Iraq Body Count (IBC), an Anglo-American research group tracking media-reported civilian deaths occuring as a consequence of the US/UK military intervention in Iraq.

All this make me very sad. We also have to add losses. Counting the troops shows that more american soldiers died since Bush told us the war was over than during the war, in average about one dead every day, more are injured in different ways.

Afghan: A lot of prisoners are still held by U.S. at Cuba. They are treated in a way not associated with civilization. What goes around comes around and I see no stop to this. We for shure are suffering from weak leadership, at the same time we have the leaders we deserve. I see no hope for Earth, now going opening another bottle of whisky - Laphroig Extra Cask, the highest level of culture developed by human.

Uni


:(

Too bad King George W. never had such a discussion with his rich daddy when he was young enough to learn something.